I Can Feel Him Guiding Me
by MyJonasSensesAreTingling3
Summary: To the human eye, the curly haired angel couldn't be seen. Levin oneshot. some surprises here and there.


Okay, Hello People

**Okay, Hello People.**

**So I am not technically aloud to get on the computer.**

**But I lied and said that it was my English project to write a short story.**

**I'm a bad child.**

**I have already written this story once.**

**And I swear I saved it.**

**But my brother decided he was going to be a jerk and shut down the computer.**

**And the gay computer says that the file was not found. **

**Grr.**

**So if it sucks.**

**I'm sorry.**

**The first time I wrote it, it was amazing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Jonas Brothers. Sorry. Nothing funny. I'm kinda pissed.**

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**Lilly's P.O.V.**

It was a particularly sunny Thursday.

How ironic.

I felt the wind blow against my tearstained face.

I never thought that this would happen to me at the age of 27. I mean it was inevitable; death is all apart of life's cycle. But not this soon, not when I am 7 months pregnant.

I looked across at the crowd standing around the rectangular hole in the dew covered grass.

I saw his brothers standing there talking to all the guests. I could see the sorrow in their eyes, but their appearance was sturdy. A façade put on for the sake of their mother.

I looked down at my protruding belly covered in the royal blue fabric that made up my dress for the occasion.

Surprisingly we had talked about what we wanted at our funerals, even though we thought that we were talking about the very distant future.

He told me that I had to wear royal blue. He said that if I didn't he would come back and haunt me. He said that black wasn't suitable, that the royal blue brought out the color of my eyes, especially when they were glistening with tears.

Of course I would protest. I would be the one to die first. I just couldn't make it a whole day without him in my life.

He would say the same thing.

I felt the baby kick inside me, almost as if it knew that something was wrong.

He told me he wanted them to play My Way by Frank Sinatra at his funeral.

I told him that he was an old fart and by the time he died no one would even remember that song.

I heard the familiar tune in the background of my thoughts now.

I hadn't been bothered today. I was grateful, at least part of me was. I had been able to keep composure for the past couple of days as the plans were made. If someone had come up to me and gave their condolences or tried to cheer me up with stories of the good times they had with him, my wall was sure to crumble down.

The only downside to no one bothering me was it left me to all my defining thoughts.

The traveled to the life my child would have.

A child needs their father. Sure my child will be extremely lucky with all the love that comes from his brothers and Miley and Oliver.

But it won't be the same; _he_ won't be here for anything.

I tried to let my mind grasp on to happier moments.

A small smile danced on my face as I thought of one.

_Flashback_

"_STOP!" I yelled/laughed as he sent trails of kisses down my jaw line. _

"_Well that isn't a reaction I am used to getting." He said as he looked up at me._

"_You know I love this but I have to get to work!" I said._

"_Well in that case, let me continue." He spoke as he reattached his lips to mine. I give in for a few minutes before I pull away. _

"_Nicholas Jerry Jonas, stop it this instant. I am going to be late for work!"_

"_Come on Lills. You probably shouldn't be working in your condition anyways. I don't want you to strain yourself."_

"_Nick! I should never have told you about the baby! I knew you wouldn't let me do anything. You would probably just think that I was putting on some weight for the next 9 months. You would just go through everything completely oblivious."_

"_I would not. I would have figured it out some time!"_

"_Whatever you say FroBro!" I said as I rubbed my hand through his curls._

"_Gee Lilly FroBro?!" he questioned._

"_Blame Joe."_

"_Don't think that I won't." he said as he pulled me in for another kiss._

_After a few minutes of loving kisses I pulled away._

"_So am I going to work or not?"_

"_Not." He said as he started to trace circles on the section of my stomach that was exposed._

"_Fine, I will call in sick today. But tomorrow it's back to the daily grind."_

"_I will take what I can get." He spoke as he continued to rub my stomach._

_I decided to close my eyes and just enjoy the moment. How did I get so lucky?_

"_Whatcha thinking about Nick?" I asked with my eyes still shut._

"_I am just thinking about how crazy it is that our little creation is living inside of you. I helped make that." He said._

_I opened my eyes to see him face to face with me._

"_That is usually how it works Nick." I said as he gave me a 'don't ruin the moment' look. _

"_Sorry." I whispered._

"_So what are we going to name this monster?" I ask._

"_Our child is not going to be a monster!" he exclaimed._

"_Well it is your child so there is no knowing for sure." I said with a wink._

"_Hardy Har Har."_

"_Now that makes you sound stupid." I say jokingly._

"_Shut up, okay so what are we going to name it if it is a girl?"_

"_Kennedy." We both say at the same moment._

"_I can't believe that you remember that."_

"_You would be surprised at how much I remember about you." He said slyly._

"_Now that is a scary thought. So what about a boy."_

"_You know I am thinking about Nicholas Jonas Jr."_

"_Absolutely not!" I shouted._

"_Aw come on Lills, it has a nice ring to it."_

"_No Nick, first of all, the world does not need another Nick Jonas running around in it. And secondly Nick Jr. is a television channel. Not a child's name."_

"_Fine Mrs. I-Know-Everything. What do you suggest?"_

"_I have absolutely no idea. So I guess I will have to pray that it will be a girl or I will be stuck with another Nick Jonas." I say as I let a small playful shudder go down my spine._

_He reaches up and is about to kiss me, but pulls away when his lips are mere inches away from mine and walks out of the room._

"_YOU ARE SO MEAN NICHOLAS JERRY JONAS!" I yell to the other room as I hear chuckling coming from the kitchen. _

_End Flashback_

The night he died I was going to tell him what the baby was going to be.

It was going to be a surprise at first, which is why that it was so late in the game for me to know.

But you know me and surprises.

He was on his way home from the studio going through a green light.

There was a teenage girl coming in the opposite direction, music blaring and cell phone in hand. She didn't see her light turn red.

He didn't die at the scene. Nick was too much of a fighter to give up that easily.

He made it to the hospital. Even to the operation table.

But there were complications, the said they tried everything. I can't help but think that they didn't think to do something. It was their fault he died.

But I know it wasn't.

That night in the hospital I cried the most I had in my entire life.

I was sure that all the tears in my body had been used. And they had been, until now.

I didn't realize that I was staring at his brothers till I saw that Kevin's eyes were connected with mine.

I turned and ran. I just wanted to run away and never come back, forget this life. Forget everything.

I saw him run after me from the corner of my eye.

I made it outside the gates and under the big oak tree. I could feel the tears threatening to spill over the edge.

I felt his presence behind me. He gently put his hand on my back and started to rub it as I chocked out the sobs.

I turned to look in his chocolate brown eyes and let my sobs steady.

"Why Kevin? Why to us? Why now?!" I yelled at him.

He didn't say anything.

He just pulled me into a warm embrace and let me cry into his shirt.

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**2 years and 2 months later.**

I woke up to the smell of fresh coffee and a banana nut muffin being wafted into my nostrils.

"Wake up sleepy head it's a special day!" said the person beside my bed.

"Mmm." I mumbled, "Do I ever tell you that I love you for doing this Kevin?"

"Every morning." He said sweetly, "But now its time to get up, these will be in the kitchen. I am going to wake up Nick Jr."

"Kevin, you are so silly. You can't wake up a TV channel."

He chuckled at me before he said, "You are so mean. And to your own son. Shameful."

And with that he walked out of my room.

I stretched and went to grab my robe.

Kevin and Joe have always been there for me the past two years.

Joe was there as much as possible but he lived back in California with his wife.

Kevin never got married. He chose to stay here and help out, even after many attempts to get him to be his own person after reassuring him that I am fine.

It's a shame; he is going to make some girl the happiest girl in the world.

But as for the morning ritual, he has been doing this ever since Nick Jr. could sit up on his own. He brings me my favorite coffee and muffin to wake me up. Grabs little Nick and takes him for a wagon ride down to the park for an hour while I wake up, shower and just have some me time.

I walked out of the kitchen to see a small boy with thick curly brown hair and piercing blue eyes sitting on Kevin's lap.

"Morning baby, Happy Birthday!" I said as I grab my coffee and take in a long sip.

He lifted up a small object that was in his hands before; I am assuming a present from Kevin, "Look Mommy! Look what Daddy got me!"

My eyes widen in shock.

I look at Kevin who has the same look plastered on his face.

What happened next was somewhat of a blur, I find myself sitting on the swing set in my robe letting the tears fall freely out of my eyes.

I look up to see Kevin standing there with his hands shoved into his pockets.

"I don't want him to forget Nick. I won't let him." I whisper.

"Neither do I. Lills, I promise that I had nothing to do with that." He says nervously.

"I believe you Kevin, it's just such a shock. I understand that you have been like a father figure to him since he was born. I just thought that he knew that you weren't actually his dad. Maybe I need to show him more videos of you guys. More pictures of him… Maybe you shouldn't come around so much anymore." I say the last part sheepishly. I knew I didn't mean it. I just was so completely confused.

I looked up at his face; I could see the tears welling up in his eyes.

"No Lilly, please don't." the hurt in his voice was evident.

"I just don't know what else to do." I say as I stand up and wrap my arms around his torso.

He stroked my hair with his hands and pulled me back and cupped my face with his hands.

"We will get through this Lilly. I promise," he paused for a second and took a breath, "I love you."

I was taken back. He loved me?

"Kevin you can't love me. I'm a widow. I have a child. My husband was YOUR brother."

"Lilly, you are the strongest person I know. He would want this to happen. He would want you to move on."

"How do you know Kevin? He isn't here."

"Is it strange to say that I can feel him guiding me to do this?"

"Not at all, I feel him too."

He brushed his callused thumb across my face to wipe away a stray tear.

Then he kissed me. I gave in. It just felt right.

We pulled away and once again he put his strong arms around me as I went weak in the knees.

"I love you too, Kevin" I whispered.

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**Normal P.O.V.**

To the human eye the curly haired angel couldn't be seen.

But if it could the woman walking her dog across the street would have seen him standing there with his hand on his brother's shoulder as his brother held the girl he loved.

And if she was close enough she would have heard him whisper "Take care of her Kev," in his ear.

Then the passerby would have seen him disappear into the clouds.

Finally able to move on.

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**Holy crap.**

**I made myself start bawling.**

**I really hope that you liked it. **

**The whole part of Kevin taking a muffin and coffee to Lilly was inspired by my grandpa. He did that every morning with my mom when I was little. Not that my dad was dead or anything, he was just gone a lot due to golf tournaments.**

**Wow.**

**If there is one story that you review today, please let it be this one. **

**I worked tremendously hard on it and it's my favorite story I have ever written.**

**Please Review.**

**Thank You :D**

**MyJonasSensesAreTingling3 aka Cayce.**


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